Lee Saem-na, center, and her two children in a photo taken at a cafe in August.LEE SAEM-NA
For Lee Saem-na, a 39-year-old doctor, marriage and children weren't a package deal when she considered starting a family.
She had her two children, 3-year-old Robin and 1-year-old Jeromy, using sperm donated through a Danish sperm bank. And now, she is preparing for another pregnancy — in the same way.
“I had always wanted to have children, and considering my reproductive age, I decided not to put it off any longer,” Lee said. “I looked into what was and wasn’t possible. Once I found out it could be done overseas, I went ahead with it right away.”
Because unmarried women in Korea face difficulties accessing assisted reproductive treatment using donated sperm, Lee traveled to Denmark. She researched clinics and procedures herself and spent about 20 million won to 30 million won ($14,500 to $21,800) on egg retrieval and three embryo transfers.
“My parents were surprised at first, but they were happy about the births,” said Lee. “My friends, whom I had told about my plans from the start, also threw me a celebration as they had promised.”
The reaction from those around her was also warmer than she had expected.
“People were much more accepting than I thought they would be,” said Lee. “People may have certain ideas about it from afar, but it’s different once they actually meet my kids and get to know us as neighbors. Even my more conservative neighbors rarely criticized me or kept their distance.”
Lee’s favorite time of day now is the morning.
“I love it most when my older child wakes up and runs into my arms while the younger one babbles beside us,” Lee said.
A family strolls through a department store's children's store in Seoul on Aug. 26.YONHAP
Lee is now preparing to have a third child. She had eggs retrieved in Denmark in May and attempted an embryo transfer in July. She plans to try again in October. But she does not believe there is a single right answer when it comes to having children.
“Having a child is a deeply personal decision tied to one’s own happiness,” Lee said. “No one should be applauded simply for having a child, or criticized for deciding not to. I respect people who choose not to have children, too.”
A 33-year-old unmarried office worker who asked to be identified only by her surname, Jang, also sees marriage and childbirth as separate choices.
“I don’t necessarily have to get married, but I do want to have a child, so I’m considering freezing my eggs,” said Jang.
Others are challenging the traditional notion that marriage should come before having children.
A pregnant 34-year-old surnamed Kim lives with her partner, but they have not yet legally registered their marriage.
“We have a baby on the way, but I don’t think that means we need to register our marriage right away,” Kim said. “Considering things like housing subscriptions, there doesn’t seem to be much reason to rush,” she added, referring to Korea's government-run apartment lottery.
Nurses take care of newborn babies at a hospital in Gyeonggi on June 24.NEWS1
A growing number of Koreans no longer see official marriage and having children as choices that necessarily go together.
A total of 14,023 children were born outside marriage last year, according to the Ministry of Data and Statistics on Sunday, the highest since the agency began compiling the data in 1981.
Last year’s figure was more than double the 6,876 recorded in 2020.
The share of children born outside marriage also rose from 2.52 percent of all births in 2020 to 5.8 percent in 2024. It dipped slightly to 5.51 percent last year as the overall number of births increased.
Women’s growing financial independence and changing attitudes toward having children outside marriage have helped drive the shift, experts say.
More young people are also choosing cohabitation over legal marriage, eschewing expensive weddings and rigid family conventions in favor of practical partnerships and shared lives.
“Society is becoming more accepting of families formed outside marriage,” said Kim Young-chul, a professor of economics at Sogang University. “We need a legal and institutional framework that makes it easier for unmarried people to form families and raise children.”
BY PARK HYUN-JU [lee.soojung1@joongang.co.kr]
This article was originally written in Korean and translated by a bilingual reporter with the help of generative AI tools. It was then edited by a native English-speaking editor. All AI-assisted translations are reviewed and refined by our newsroom.
